The Problem With “Music Pirates”

Discussions about major music labels are usually vehemently negative, but there are a couple of things they do quite well. One is the ability to market an artist around the world in a very short time and within a few months create a global phenomenon. But in the wake of yesterday’s news that British ISPs have agreed to start monitoring their customers for illegally downloading music, the newspapers typically used a headline that employed the easy phrase “Music Pirates”. And I realised that perhaps I was wrong about music labels and their marketing skills.

In deciding to call it piracy the labels have made the theft of music seem cool and perhaps even something to aspire to.

This is a music pirate:


Who wouldn’t want to imagine themselves looking roguish and buccaneerish like that? No, you’re right, only the truly demented. But how about his son?


It’s easy to fantasize being a pirate surfing on seas of data in search of elusive treasure like that live show of [insert favourite band here]. If you need assistance to imagine what a sea of data might look like, crack open William Gibson’s Neuromancer. His descriptions are more urban, but the adjectives and metaphors can be easily hijacked. You’re a pirate, after all.

The problem is, use the term “pirates” and pretty soon you have this:



Worse, they do this:
That’s right, not just someone who wants to mess with you, but someone who wants to mess with your American cultural-imperialistic ways.

But call them a music thief and the romance diminishes. Thieves rob convenience stores and mug little old ladies. Where’s the romance in that? A thief looks like this:




Let’s add ripping off my car stereo to the list of what these losers do.

So to diminish music thievery, music labels need to get wise with the marketing. Stop associating the illegal acquisition of music with guys who swagger around galleon decks wearing beads in their hair and recraft it in the image of that thieving little hoodie hanging around the street corner outside. The only person who thinks he’s cool is another thickhead. Achieve that connection and artists everywhere will rest easier, knowing that the music labels have once more protected their works and can concentrate on the business of selling to customers, not suing them.